Growing up in a Filipino household, hearing the phrase utang na loob is not a rare occurrence. It is thrown around so by our elderly so often that it’s become etched into our mind and soul; it has been reiterated countless of times on different occasions that at its core, it is engraved in every Filipino. Literally meaning “the debt of one’s inner self”, utang na loob denotes the need to give back an act of kindness a person has offered to you. Despite its simple definition, acting upon it and determining whether what you’ve done is enough is a different, more difficult situation. 

 

Gratitude is simple; a quiet acknowledgment of kindness freely given. Yet for many children, it becomes a weight, framed as mentioned as utang na loob, a debt they are told they owe. What should bind families together often becomes a tool to measure worth, one where love feels conditional, tied to how much one can repay. Childhood should be a time to explore, to learn, and to grow—not a tally sheet of sacrifices and returns. Yet, children often hear reminders of what they “owe,” shaping their choices and futures to align with what others expect. Gratitude is no longer an emotion, as it becomes an obligation, one they carry into adulthood, where their worth feels tied to what they can give back, not on who they are. 

 

But utang na loob does not need to be a chain. It can be a shared value that uplifts rather than confines, a recognition of how families support one another. Gratitude thrives when it is freely expressed, not demanded. Love to children, after all, should never feel like a transaction.  If we want children to truly honor their families, we must teach them that their success is not a repayment plan. Their achievements should be theirs to define, not bound by unspoken debts. Families that we yearn to be, thrive not by keeping score but by sustenance without reservations. 

 

How we pass down utang na loob is momentous. Will we let it weigh on children as a burden, or will we instill it as a principle anchored in mutual respect? This choice doesn’t just define their sense of gratitude; it carves the foundation of the relationships they will build, inherit, and carry into the future.

Utang na loob carries an immense weight behind three simple words, but it does not have to remain that way. Generation Z, or colloquially: Gen Z, is known to be a group determined to break generational curses, and it is evident that these young adults aim to repurpose the way utang na loob is understood. By acknowledging the challenges that come with the phrase whenever it is used by our elders, we recognize what must be changed to ensure that utang na loob is perceived solely as an act of love and gratitude.