Team Leverage Edu. (2020). Parental Pressure – Care But Not Too Much! Leverage Edu. https://leverageedu.com/blog/parental-pressure/

Growing up, we are often compared to our parents; whether it's our eyes or what kind of person we are on the inside. Although inheriting genes or traits from them is inevitable, no child is ever obligated to inherit their parents’ unfulfilled ambitions. 

The overwhelming weight of living up to impossible expectations set by societal norms is already enough to damage our psyche. Being demanded to face similar or even worse criticism in a place where we are meant to take refuge away from a critical world leads to a developed resentment toward parents, hence a familial relationship that is damaged. 

Admittedly, whether unconscious or not, parents tend to project their lost hopes onto their children, viewing them as extended versions of themselves. It is not an uncommon occurrence; however, it is alarming. With society constantly demanding endless sacrifices, aspirations are bound to be shattered. Unfortunately, this leads to generations of parents resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Having to live through daunting expectations, more so from the reasons of our existence, holds us back in ways that we can no longer etch our own paths. What is supposed to be a path formed by lived experiences is rather mapped out as if there is no other way but to follow what has been long-carved. A child walking on a journey that they never wanted in the first place would not only minimize their potential of learning their core but would also burn themselves out along the way.

In the Philippines, where filial piety is greatly valued, children feel obligated to obey their parents even if this entails that their decisions are no longer their own. With parents' expectations extending to our academic performance, career path, and personal relationships, the phrase "Dahil gusto ng mga magulang ko" (Because my parents want it) no longer sounds foreign to us. The strong sense of kinship has led us to believe that allowing our parents to live vicariously through us is a small price in exchange for the hardships they underwent for our sake. Which is why there is an unprecedented amount of students struggling to finish their degree as a handful of students strive to be doctors, nurses, or engineers against their will. 

With such values shaping our characters, the lines between our true identity and the identity projected by our parents blur, leaving us with a fragile sense of self. Instead of building up our self-esteem, we grow up constantly anxious, often seeking validation from others. 

Enabling this to happen just as though it is now a norm would leave it repeating itself from generation to generation; passing down the idea that purpose is to be filled by parents and not by the child alone, and that their worth is dependent on whether they have proven themselves enough, or otherwise, unworthy. This goes with the belief that no parent must dictate what their child must become because it is for the children to find out what they could be. 

What could instead fuel their desire to reach for greater heights, would intimidate them. Thinking that it is a child’s responsibility to bring their parents’ buried dreams back to life is like keeping them hidden from making their own stories, longing to be set free, and they could only be truly set free in a safe space that is nowhere near suffocating, but ever-liberating. On that account, it is of great importance to show genuine support when children can bravely choose for themselves, and not make them feel guilty for doing so.